


A Faded Light

by FereldansFinest



Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Canon Trans Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 16:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8496943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FereldansFinest/pseuds/FereldansFinest
Summary: Loving the Inquisitor was easy. He was probably the easiest person to walk Thedas to love. But for too long, he'd hidden, and for too long, Krem didn't see that he was in pain. He hated that he hadn't seen it sooner.





	

When no one had seen him for an entire day, already that was worrying enough. When he was back at Skyhold, he was always flitting around. Visiting with Dorian in the library, discussing progress made with his necromancy, talking with Leliana about the Inquisition, Figuring out how to pander to the nobles that were around with Josephine. There were so many things he did. So many friends he had. Why was it that none of them had seen him at all? Krem was climbing the staircase to his room after finding and speaking with everyone Shirave was close to. It scared him, so badly, to think that maybe something had happened. 

When he got up to Shiraves room, he looked around. He didn't see him. Both of the beds were empty, as was the desk. He frowned, and looked up at the mural on the wall. There had been something there before, but Shirave and Nyla had redone it. Kirkwall hung over them, but at least this time, it was a comfort. He smiled a little, remembering how proud of himself Shirave had been when he painted Nyla, and she'd looked perfect. As he'd stood there, Shirave had peered out from behind some crates on the second level of the room. "Vhenan... What are you doing here?" he asked him, his voice weak and gentle. Krem knew this voice. 

"Just worried about you." he told him, unbuckling his breastplate and getting the majority of his armor off and setting it down by Shirave's bed before he climbed the ladder to go and see him. He was relieved that he'd found him. "No one's seen you today. Chief was bellyaching about not getting to eat lunch with you. Dorian bitched a blue streak about not having his normal company." he chuckled. He crossed the room and climbed up the ladder to get to him while he spoke. 

When he saw that Shirave was curled around one of his arms, he felt his stomach drop, and he was worried it might come out his ass. He felt beyond sick. He knew he'd hurt himself, knew he'd been in such a massive amount of pain that he needed something so difficult to relieve it. He hated himself for not seeing it sooner than he had.

"Oh... I didn't mean-"

"Don't apologize. No one's mad. Like I said. Just worried 'bout you." Krem held his hand up to stop Shirave. "Mind if I sit here?" he gestured to one of the crates.

Shirave shook his head. "Go ahead..." he didn't meet Krem's eyes. Why not? Krem couldn't imagine why. His stomach clenched a little, but he steeled, and hid it away.

"What's wrong, Shirave?" Krem asked him softly. He saw Shirave wince, and he felt terrible for having asked, but he knew Shirave had to let it out of him. He'd let it eat him alive if he didn't.

"I..." Shirave took a deep breath and got up to sit on the crate next to Krem. With how close he was, Krem knew that Shirave needed him, so he wrapped his arm around Shirave's waist and held him close to his side. He wanted to do something about the now slightly visibly injuries on his arm, but that would have to wait. He'd find a way. "I did something I wasn't supposed to. Varric told me never to read The Tale of the Champion." he spoke gently, his head on Krem's chest, listening to his lovers heart. Krem was relieved that this was bringing him some comfort. That's all he'd wanted. He stayed quiet, listening to Shirave, letting him get it out at his own pace. Shirave struggled to form his next words, letting out a few strangled little sounds, and starting to cry. Krem only tightened his grip, and pressed his lips softly to the top of Shirave's head, staying there for a moment. 

"He told me... He told me there were things in there that they never told me, or Nyla, because they knew... They knew knowing would hurt us." he swallowed thickly. "But I did it anyway. I wanted to know more about the Deep Roads, and the things that Hawke wouldn't let me do because I was too young." he spoke softly, trying to clear his voice, but Krem understood that it was hard to do. "There... There was a chapter near the end." he got even softer here. Krem couldn't help but worry.

"It was the chapter about... It was the chapter where mother died." he bit his lip. "I mean... Hawke's mother." he looked up at Krem. "But she took in Nyla and I. She adopted us and gave us a home." he had to stop, unable to choke back a sob. "She took us from living in a derelict mansion with Fenris, and not being sure if we were going to survive too much longer in Kirkwall to being nobility, Krem." he shook. "She was good, and loving, and sweet.... She was beautiful and she was my mother, and..." he was crumbling fast. Krem had never seen him in this much pain. He pulled him as close as he could, moving Shirave into his lap. "She was perfect, and that man..." Krem gently stopped him with a kiss.

"I know, Shirave. I read it once you agreed to be mine." he told him. "Nyla told me it would help me understand." he spoke in whispers. "I know what happened to Leandra Hawke." he squeezed him. "Need'ta cry?" he asked him. Shirave just nodded. "Go on. I'll hold you." he rubbed Shirave's back. "Stopped you because I knew you'd make yourself sick if you kept going like that." he told him as Shirave rested his head in Krem's shoulder, starting to cry quietly. It was a while before either of them spoke again. But, when Shirave was able to stop crying, he took a deep breath and looked up at Krem, kissing his softly, and wiping his eyes.

"I'm sorry about this." he said, his voice wasn't weak anymore. That filled Krem with hope, and happiness.

"Don't. You didn't do anything wrong. Let's get you down into your bed. I'm gonna go and grab you some food." Krem stood, and helped Shirave to his feet. "'d carry you down to bed, but, I need my hands for the ladder." he laughed. Shirave laughed with him, and Krem saw light coming back to his eyes. Perfect. He was doing his job. When he saw Shirave smile at his hands and hug himself softly when he thought Krem wasn't looking at him as he left, Krem knew that he'd done the right thing. That boy had needed him, as much as Krem himself needed Shirave. It felt good, to be able to take the dark away, so the beautiful light that was Shirave Lavellan could shine a little brighter.


End file.
